Pastor Tom Johnson, September 4, 2011
Instead of setting aside our childish ways, we simply dress it up in adult clothing. In stead of crying “Fight!” we shrewdly share an unfavorable tidbit of information about someone at the water cooler. “Did you hear what so-and-so did?” Often times our first reaction to being offended by someone is to run in the opposite direction and tell our sordid tale. We hope to gather a crowd of people who are just as sick and tired of that individual as we are. Call it what you want: “junior high politics,” “gossip,” “playground bullying,” or “poor interpersonal skills.” The Bible calls it “sin.” It it is part of our broken human condition. And it is all too common among Christians who should know better.
Jesus’ teaching on conflict presupposes that there will be conflict in the church. In fact, there is conflict whenever people come together. And far too many people have left the church or “organized religion,” because they are tired of the fighting, the backbiting, and lack of transformative peace among believers. Mahatma Ghandi, advocate and non-violent organizer for the forgotten poor of India said, “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Sadly, many Christians and Christian communitities are so unlike Jesus. We love conflict. God loves reconciliation.
Jesus could not be more practical in his words of wisdom. He outlines a three-step program for peace among believers. Step one: confront the offender in private. Step two: if necessary, confront the person again with witnesses. Step three: if necessary, seek out the authority of the church.
Step one. Don’t be a coward. If you are offended, go and tell that person why you are offended. If your offense is unfounded, you will have a hard time convincing them they’ve wronged you. Jesus tells us to get in their face. You are more likely to not blow things out of proportion. There is accountability when you go directly to the source. You are less likely exaggerate, less likely to twist the truth to make yourself look better, and less likely to embellish the story to make the other person look even worse. And by doing it in private no one needs to know about it. You protect yourself and the other person in case it was all a misunderstanding. You can let it go and leave it behind you because it was resolved in the peaceful confines of private conversation. The goal is reconciliation. What’s so beautiful about step one is that more times than not you leave that confrontation having won a sister or brother. They now know that you want peace. You care about harmonious relationships. And you leave with that warm feeling of peace in your gut that the thought that human beings aren’t as bad as you thought.
If step one does not work, Jesus gives us step two. Step two is find one or two mediators. Someone trustworthy and impartial. Someone who can keep things in confidence. This person’s job is to establish the truth. They have not taken sides. They want each person to see more clearly. Their goal is reconciliation. So, at most, three or four people know how ugly things got. No more than four people know how messy things became. So, once it’s over, and reconciliation happens, everyone goes home knowing the dirty laundry—but they have seen it go through the wash cycle and the wringer and come out as white as snow.
If step two fails. Jesus tells us to go to step three. Step three is really the same as step two. It just involves more people and the authority of the church. That means the leadership and the pastor should be the last to know about conflict in the church! Jesus assumes that believers will have the maturity and unction of the Holy Spirit to resolve conflict in a godly, efficient manner. Say goodbye to gossip, junior high politics, and petty fighting. Say hello to a ministry of reconciliation.
If all three steps fail, Jesus says to treat the offender as a Gentile and a tax collector. And just how did Jesus himself treat Gentiles and tax collectors? He loved them. He called them. He taught them the good news to the ignorant. He died and rose for their forgiveness, salvation, and eternal life. When we don’t deal with conflict in a peaceful way, is not just a misunderstanding of how to relate to one another. It ultimately is an indicator that we do not understand the very heart of the Gospel itself. Jesus says to treat people like this as a mission field. In other words, start the three steps over again at the most fundamental level. They do not understand that at the heart of the Gospel is forgiveness and reconciliation.
In the end, Jesus assures us that where two or three gather in his name—even in conflict—there he is in our midst. Jesus will bless and enable us by the Holy Spirit to see the transformational power of the Gospel—where forgiveness, reconciliation, and peace reign. “How very good and pleasant it is when sisters and brothers dwell together in unity!” (Psalm 133). Jesus has shown us the way.
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